The Roles I Play


I’m afraid that I have lost myself.

For I play so many roles

that I have forgotten which one came naturally.

For those concerned with my soul:

I am straight.

I am whole.

I am made clean.

I am a Christian through and through.

Church on Sunday,

Small groups,

and lies, lies, lies.

For those concerned with my sexuality: 

I am bisexual so

focus on the part that is heteronormative.

Pretend that I am in a phase,

that my girlfriend is someone to have fun with.

Blame it on her.

I know it’s easier for you to swallow that than the biological truth.

I love both.

Men and women.

For it does not matter to me what gender they are

rather if they are the person I want to be with forever.

Love is love,

but love is not loved.

For those concerned with my mental health:

I will not make you uncomfortable

with talk of anxiety and medication.

I will try to pray it away.

I will exercise more.

I will hand it over to the holy spirit.

I will cease to suffer from this imaginary ailment.

Please, tell me that it doesn’t exist,

for at least you will sleep well at night.

For those concerned about my education:

I know I am not supported by you.

No worries,

this I will figure out on my own.

I will achieve my dream,

and you will take credit.

You will be proud.

It’s not fair to reap the benefits

when you have not provided support in the process.

Tell me I’m wasting my time.

Tell me that psychology isn’t a science.

Then post on Facebook about how proud you are.

I want your friends to think you

have had something to do with my success.

But, it will not be you I thank.

For those concerned with my age:

Talk to my mom.

I am


and broken. 


and wavering. 


and anxious. 


and not Christian. 


and not straight. 


and not accepted. 

I am living as I know how, 

and I no longer wish to play a role for you. 




Reckless Abandon


I do not know

what to believe.

I cannot reconcile

between what it says

and what is done.

I wonder if He really is the one.

What makes it right

and the others wrong?

Why must it be one,

and why not all the others?

I ask for help,

yet denied it is my request.

I turn to the next.

And, I am brought in

to be loved and cherished

to be challenged and valued

to be taught and heard

to be respected.

From you I have learned

that I and all have worth

that openness and acceptance

are imperative for social change.

I have felt that I can do anything,

but only once my faith was abandoned.

So, it was abandoned, and I can do anything.

Reckless abandon takes a new meaning.

I know who I am and who you are.

For you are far more open than they ever were.

I know your hopes and fears

your past and your present.

You are real and tangible.

You have championed me, and I will never forget.

With reckless abandon,

I run into uncharted territory

and hope.