I am here, but I am overwhelmed.
I feel so much emotion. I am aware of a wrestling inside of me that seems to never cease. I am exhausted on more than a physical level. It is as if my soul is tired. As if the very core of who I am is constantly in motion. I feel as if I that core has been turned upside down and now I am left to revise and rearrange. I wonder who it is that I am and what it is that I stand for. I have new identities that I am struggling to embrace and which invoke fear and discomfort, and I have previous identities that I am attempting to shed but am clinging to solely because they are familiar.
So much of who I am is influx, and it is exhausting and overwhelming me. How can I tell you who I am if I am not even sure myself?
There are only a few things that I am sure of:
I love her. She is the light of my life. I think of her when I fall asleep and as soon as I awake. I miss her so much that it physically hurts. She is the best part of my day every single day, and I want to spend every second with her. She is my support, my encourager, my voice of reason, my confidant, my everything. She is my love, and I would be lost without her.
I am where I am supposed to be. I am learning and growing more than I thought possible, and I am surrounded by like-minded people who are striving to make the world a better place. I am honored to be with them and learn from them.
I miss my people. I feel so lonely without my friends and mentors around. I am longing for that support system and severely missing my community that loves me and challenges me. They understand me, and I miss being with people who know me. I so wish they were here with me. I need them.
I am here, and I am learning and changing each day.