Of this I am sure

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I am here, but I am overwhelmed.

I feel so much emotion. I am aware of a wrestling inside of me that seems to never cease. I am exhausted on more than a physical level. It is as if my soul is tired. As if the very core of who I am is constantly in motion. I feel as if I that core has been turned upside down and now I am left to revise and rearrange. I wonder who it is that I am and what it is that I stand for. I have new identities that I am struggling to embrace and which invoke fear and discomfort, and I have previous identities that I am attempting to shed but am clinging to solely because they are familiar.

So much of who I am is influx, and it is exhausting and overwhelming me. How can I tell you who I am if I am not even sure myself?

 

There are only a few things that I am sure of:

I love her. She is the light of my life. I think of her when I fall asleep and as soon as I awake. I miss her so much that it physically hurts. She is the best part of my day every single day, and I want to spend every second with her. She is my support, my encourager, my voice of reason, my confidant, my everything. She is my love, and I would be lost without her.

I am where I am supposed to be. I am learning and growing more than I thought possible, and I am surrounded by like-minded people who are striving to make the world a better place. I am honored to be with them and learn from them.

I miss my people. I feel so lonely without my friends and mentors around. I am longing for that support system and severely missing my community that loves me and challenges me. They understand me, and I miss being with people who know me. I so wish they were here with me. I need them.

 

I am here, and I am learning and changing each day.

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My Love

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I saw us for the first time,

and it took my breath away.

I knew then that

you were my love.

I could not deny it,

neither did I want to.

I want the world to know

that it is you.

But, they can’t know.

Fear holds me back,

making me doubt.

Not you,

but them.

Those who will disown,

de-friend,

denounce.

Because you happen to be my love.

You care for me,

treat me well,

covet time with me,

speak beautiful words.

However, you are also a female.

And, somehow, that becomes

all that they see.

That you and I happen to be

of the same sex.

A love deemed a sin,

something to be ashamed of.

But, you are beautiful and kind,

and you are mine.

I want to show you to the world,

to tell them all what we have.

But, I cannot.

My heart aches because it is both

full of love and

full of fear.

Because you are my love.

My love.

My love.